the book of answers
Though my experience is that asking a meaningful question
of the I Ching can be a more direct path to understanding than reading about the Oracle,
seeing what response others have been given to their questions can begin to give us
a real sense of how this mysterious world operates.
We two-legged beings are all born and die and, in between,
navigate our own unfolding and relations with the wider world.
Though the specific intricacies of our individual experience are unique, we can
all find parts of ourselves in the lives of others.
To this end ~ as well as to provide help where it's been called for ~ I'll be posting an
answer from the I Ching to a question or dilemma every so often.
Mainly, these will be from
a great little site where you can either anonymously
check in your 'emotional baggage', or carry someone else's and add a link to a song.
Here's the first question and answer:
I love my girlfriend so much and I'm afraid she doesn't love me as much and it's terrifying. What if I lose her? What if I'm too clingy and then I push her away?
All I want to do is talk to her all the time and I know she likes talking to me too but she works a lot and doesn't have time as much and it's really difficult idk.
Your answer is mountain under thunder ~ the hexagram immortalised in the Bob Dylan song ’Thunder on the Mountain’.
Despite the dramatic sound, the counsel is focussed on being grounded and not trying to fly too high; that this time demands a restraint that might normally appear excessive.
The specific guidance you got within this was the fourth line, which advises you in no uncertain terms to make no attempt to reach your goal or force the issue.
In terms of your question, I’d say that the Zhouyi agrees that your concerns are valid. (I’ve been there before from both sides; so into someone else I’ve scared them off…and also in partnerships where I’ve felt stifled by not being allowed enough space and freedom.)
Putting all your attention on your girlfriend can be a way of not fully looking at yourself. By starting to focus on moving towards your own deepest potential, you become more rooted in your being and release those anxieties which otherwise distort a harmonious unfolding of the relationship.
This isn’t about you obviously withdrawing so that she notices and comes nearer herself; that’s just playing games. It’s about finding love and completion within yourself; continuing to bring your fears out of hiding, as you did with your question, and holding them in the light of awareness.
Just imagine for a moment that shifting to a whole different approach is not really difficult, but effortless: nurturing a faith and spaciousness in the core of your relationship can help a love which is fearful, demanding and dependant to begin growing into one which is more unconditional.
You might enjoy watching ‘Ruby Sparks’ with your girlfriend; as well as being really funny, it also explores relationship fears in a very unconventional way; it could help open a dialogue about some of this for you both.
Many blessings on your relationship, and on your own path through life,
© shenpen chökyi 2013